Sipping my coffee last evening, I evaluated my past relationships to understand how these have changed me. The question is not that failed relationships change us but most importantly it is if they do then is it for good or bad.
The wall I created around myself after my previous relationship made me cynical and skeptical. It did not make me a better person for sure. Five years of relationship was gone just like a wind. I did let him go because I knew I deserve better. Though this episode of my life made me stronger than ever but left me soulless and less trusting. I simply forgot to trust people around me and used to see everyone around me with a doubtful eye. This apprehensive me was not me, I hated it because it depleted my personality.
The things went on for almost an year when suddenly another guy entered my life from nowhere. Trusting him was never an issue for me, not even when I talked to him for the very first time. There were some moments of doubt but I was proved wrong every time.
It is with him I understood that no relationship is a waste of time. He taught me practicalities and impracticalities of my expectations which led to less fights and healthier relationship. He taught me to confront issues immediately rather than keeping it to own self so as to avoid unnecessary heartache. He taught me how to deal with gossips. We met through a mutual friend, whom I didn’t like much but he taught me how to balance out on such relationships.
A lot of it being said, the most important thing he taught me was to love myself, my name and identity. I didn’t like my name much but he never missed any chance to appreciate it. He made me closer to my roots. He taught me to be strong, blunt and honest enough and not let others take advantage of me.
My Ex taught me how to accept love. A kid by heart himself, he has made me a better and more rational person. From not trusting anyone to trusting him, I know I have come a long way. He has taught me the importance of trust, independence and space in a relationship. The kind of change he has brought to my life in these few months is something I really want to thank him for.
My heart aches calling him my ex. The only thing that makes me sad is that he didn’t fight for me and gave up on the idea of “us”. I know we can not be together but I will love him for what he has done knowingly and unknowingly for me forever and ever.